Recovery
by HellaXerneas
Summary: After the war people changed. Two if them being Harry Potter, and Draco Malfoy. Both riddled with their own forms of guilt and one of them feeling lost with out a sense of purpose. Can they help each other on the road to recovery? RATED M for language and future violence possibly smut in the far future. TW: mentions of depression, suicide, starvation, gay relations.
1. Denial

Recovery

The date was August 31, 1998, mere month after the final battle of the 2nd Wizarding War. The war had been hard on everyone. People had lost family and friends, the Ministry was in shambles. Hope was slowly beginning to surface. Hogwarts was being rebuilt, and many of the 7th year students were heading back to Hogwarts to complete the final year that had been interrupted by the war. Among them was Harry Potter.

Harry could be found sitting in the dark in # 12 Grimmauld Place. The war had been the worst on him. He had shut off his friends and family, and moved into his godfather's home. He had not ventured out of the house, had stopped eating, and become severely depressed.. He had not planned on going back to Hogwarts, but both Ron and Hermione's frantic and worried letters had forced him to realize he could not hide forever. He had ordered all his school things by OwlOrder and would be setting off for the station in the morning.

As he approached the train Harry couldn't help but notice how few people were on the platform. He found an empty compartment, stowed his trunk, and sat with his back to the window. Closing his eyes, he began to drift off and only awoke when someone had entered the compartment. Thinking it was probably Ron or Hermione he opened his eyes and came face-to-face with none other than Draco Malfoy.

"What do you want Malfoy?" He spat, his voice laced with vemon as he addressed the blond.

Draco didn't speak, he just stowed his trunk and sat down, avoiding Harry's eyes. He was only coming back to school to please his mother. He had suffered emotionally after being Voldemort's pawn his 6th year. He too had withdrawn from the ones he cared about.

"Didn't you hear me? Or have you gone deaf?" Harry wanted to know why the boy had sat here, why he had felt it necessary to bother him. Hadn't Malfoy and his family done him enough damage?

"All the other compartments are full Potter." As Draco spoke there was no malice or hate to his tone. The blond just wanted to get to school and go about his business.

After a very long and uncomfortable train ride, they had finally reached Hogsmeade station. Harry felt it high time to go and find his friends, he had not answered their letter or let them know he would be coming back. It was cruel but he was not in the right state to be around people at the time. He entered the hall and saw the two of them snogging while leaning into an alcove, the next thing he knew he was running in the opposite direction. How could he have been so thick? They didn't need him anymore, they had each other. Broken goods, that was all that was left of the "Boy-Who-Lived".

Harry ran until his lungs ached, looking around he found himself near Snape's old office. A sharp pain shot through him as he was gripped with a confusing grief. He had hated the man for most of his school years, yet in the end Snape had been protecting him all along. All because the man had loved his mother. The grief turned into guilt when he reminded himself it was just another life lost because of him, because he hadn't found the horcruxes fast enough. His fault because he could not save everyone, not Fred, not Remus or Tonks, not Snape, or Madeye, or Colin, or Lavender. So many people had died because of him.

Draco stood in the alcove watching Potter. He didn't dare let the other teen know he was there. Merlin know he would be hexed into next month of he did. Something about Potter was off, he seemed changed, not even trying to be the friendly scarhead with his fellow house mates. It was almost scary the way the boy was murmuring, like he was possessed or something. Were those names Draco was hearing? No it couldn't be… Names of the people who had died in this very castle months ago… People who Potter had been close to.

Draco knew he should leave and head back to the Great Hall for dinner, but it was as if someone had put a permanent sticking charm on his feet. He knew Potter would probably turn around any second and see Draco and hex the shite out of him but he just couldn't move. Hearing all the names of people who had died because of the war, because of his "comrades" on the side of darkness where he was forced by his own flesh and blood. Draco wanted to puke, he was responsible for the deaths. The bile rose in his throat and it was all he could do not gag and alert the other boy to his presence.

Harry heard the gag and turned around towards the noise, drawing his wand.

"I should have known you would follow me Ferret! What are you trying to make my life hell? Haven't you done enough?" Harry screamed, tears of guilt and rage flowing down his face.


	2. Learning

A/N: Sorry its short but I have been swamped with work. Chapter 3 should be up on Wednsday

Draco couldn't speak for worry his stomach would empty itself all over his robes and the floor. He was breathing deeply through his nose keeping his mouth shut tight. Those people were dead, and he had a hand in it. At this thought he did indeed vomit, not caring that Potter was going to see him lose it.

After the contents of his stomach had been completely emptied, the shaking began. Panic attacks were a fairly new part of his life after the war. The Slytherin felt his chest tighten and he closed his eyes tight trying to block out the faces of all the people he had been forced to torture and kill. The people brought into his home and used like toys by his aunt. The breath raked in and out of his lungs in shallow incomplete movements, and the air felt like it was ripping his lungs raw. A high pitched keening noise reached his ears and he realized he was screaming and there were hands on his shoulders shaking him.

"Snap out of it Malfoy! Dammit!" Harry yelled while shaking the blond and trying to get some response.

Draco was paler than normal, and he was having trouble breathing. He needed to get the boy to the hospital wing. Harry conjured a stretcher and lifted the screaming boy onto it. He tried to desperately find a prefect or a professor.

No one could be found, they were all at the feast, Harry made his way to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey immediately took over: first a calming draught, several warm blankets and water.

Harry was in shock, he had had similar attacks or moments to what Malfoy was having. He thought it was an after effect of being a Horcrux. He had always had the nightmares, but these times were different. He would become stiff and cry or scream, visions of the people had lost, and he wouldn't be able to breathe. Madam Pomfrey was speaking to him, mentioning something about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That many of the older students had been experiencing it over the summer and that is happened all the time to muggle soldiers.

Harry soon fell asleep on the cot next to Malfoy's after Pomfrey had given him a hefty dose of dreamless sleep.

The next morning Draco woke. He was confused, hadn't Potter been yelling at him? And why was his in Pajama's and in the hospital wing? Then it hit him like a stunning spell. He had panicked. In front of the-bloody-boy-who-died.

That didn't explain why he was in the hospital wing. There was a full glass of water on the table next to him, he drained it groaning at how nice it felt on his raw throat. It wasn't until he looked around that he saw Potter, sound asleep on a cot next to him, looking worse for wear. Had he hurt the boy?

Draco sat up and carefully evaluated what condition his body was in, his throat was sore from screaming and he was pretty hungry but everything else seemed okay. He looked around the otherwise empty hospital wing, and wondered what classes he would be missing.

Around dinnertime, Harry awoke and sat up groggily in the darkening hospital wing. He had missed an entire day of classes, and two meals while he slept. Groping around for his glasses, the boy sat up and saw that there was a bowl of stew as well as a few other item for his dinner.

"You can leave and go to your common room once you have eaten." Madam Pomfrey said sternly.

Harry dug in, groaning and thinking that it might just be the best meal he had ever had. He was given permission to leave shortly after eating and taking a pepper-up potion. Wandering along the staircases to Gryffindor tower, Harry thought about what he had witnessed yesterday. Why would Malfoy react that way I mean he was the one who had followed Harry right? Finally he reached the Fat Lady, gave the password, and climbed upstairs and into bed glad that none of his dorm mates were awake yet


	3. Spiral

**A/N: SORRY GUYS! WORK AND SCHOOL HAS BEEN HECTIC AND I HAVE BEEN SICK WITH THE FLU. I promise to post chapter 4 soon.**

Ron made his way to the shared dorm and was surprised to see Harry' curtains closed. He had Hermione thought he wasn't coming back to school. They hadn't heard from him in months.

"OY MATE!" Ron yelled as he ripped back the hangings of the bed. "Why weren't you at the feast?! Why didn't you write us back you prat!"

Harry sat up startled at the yell and found himself face to face with a very upset Ronald Weasley.

"I was busy," Harry lied smoothly.

Harry fumbled around for his glasses and shoved them roughly onto his nose. He stared at Ron assessing the situation.

"Too busy to write? Hermione and I have been going crazy. We haven't heard from you in months! We thought you would be at the funeral, or at least owl Mum. She said her birthday package was returned…." Harry let the red-head rant.

He knew it was unfair not to show up to Fred's funeral but it had been too sad. He didn't go to Remus', or Tonks'. Harry had hidden away in Grimmauld Place, barely eating or bathing. Not even allowing Kreacher to fuss over him. The weight loss had shown in his face, he had owl ordered new robes and clothes so no one would notice.

As the brunet listened to Ron rant on and on about what a terrible friend he was, Harry looked around the room. The walls around the other beds were covered in photos and posters, his own wall space was empty and bare. A large trunk lay at the foot of each bed whilst Harry had a small suitcase with a few changes of clothing and his books packed away and shrunken down.

"Okay, Okay Ron give it a rest. I was a prat, a right arsewipe. I just couldn't handle anymore grief." Harry said.

"Oh? You think it was all parties and fun for the rest of us mate? I had to bury my brother, and Remus, and Tonks. Teddy had to be there and you didn't even bother to show up." Ron snarled. "We wrote and wrote, Mum has been heartbroken. She feels like she lost two sons not one! Not a word in MONTHS!"

Harry just starred at his friend even more guilt piling onto the already boiling wreck in his stomach. The boy raised, pushed his friend aside gently, grabbed his invisibility cloak, and strode down the steps through the common room and out the door.

Harry found the nearest loo, locked himself in the stall and started heaving, all the wonderful food he had eaten for dinner gone, down the pipe. He continued to heave until his body couldn't handle the pain anymore. He sat back on his heels and head his head between his hands, memories of the injured and the dead, images of the house in Godric's Hallow.

Harry knew that the sinking feeling of dread and pain wasn't a good thing. He should have come back to school at all. A downward spiral is what Hermione had wrote in one of her letters, begging him to talk to her and Ron saying they were there for him and that they were worried.

'Yet, they hadn't seemed worried when they were snogging in the alcove.' A voice in the back if Harry's head nagged. 'They didn't seem to care at all. They didn't come looking for you.'

What if his friends didn't really care…? Maybe they had grown tired of Harry. They had probably realized now that the war was over and that Voldemort was gone, Harry was useless. He had no meaning anymore, no drive, nothing to get him through the darkness.

And so the spiral began.

**A/N: Feel free to leave a review, I love the feedback!**


	4. Found Out

**A/N: The following chapter contains mentions of suicidal thoughts. **

Days had gone by and Draco hadn't seen Harry in any of the shared classes. There always seemed to be an extra seat where he should be. Not that he cared, He would just love to dock points from Potter for not showing to class.

After dinner Draco made his way to the astronomy tower to finish his star map for Sinistra. Sitting at the edge of the tower was the boy that had been missing.

Potter looked pale, and like he hadn't eaten in days. His face was sallow, his robes hung off his body, and if he wasn't mistaken Draco felt an almost empty aura coming from the boy, like he had nothing left.

"Potter. You know that ledge isn't safe right?" Draco spoke in a low voice to avoid startling Harry. "You should step back."

Harry started and whirled around to face the blond, his hand gripping the stone floor for support.

"What do you care Malfoy? It's not like anyone needs me around anymore." Harry said. "I killed Voldemort and now I have nothing."

Draco looked frantic, heart pounding he cast a safety ward around the edge.

"Harry, please, if you step-back from the edge we can get you to a Professor." Draco kept his voice calm.

Half an hour and several threats later, Draco had managed to coax Harry away from the edge. He led Harry right to the Headmistress and knocked on the door.

"Professor? Can we come in? I have Potter and I think he is suicidal…" Draco stated.

They were immediately rushed inside and Potter glared at him.

"Well Mr. Potter? Explain yourself. What would give Mr. Malfoy here the impression that you are suicidal?" McGonagall asked.

Harry grumbled under his breath unable to meet his Professor's eyes. "I was at the top of the Astronomy Tower, sitting on the edge."

"He also was talking about how he had nothing and no one needed him anymore, I thought he was going to jump. He looks like he has lost weight and he has been skipping classes Professor." Draco said.

"Is this true Mr. Potter?" The headmistress asked sternly, her eyes full of concern.

Harry nodded and fidgeted with his hands, feeling cornered. He didn't like how the two of them were looking at him like he was crazy. Didn't he have the right to do as he pleased? It wasn't like anyone really needed him now. Ron and Hermione wouldn't speak to him, he should never have returned to Hogwarts.

"Yes it's all true. I have no reason to live anymore, I did what Dumbledore asked me to do! Why should I have to suffer any longer?! Haven't I done enough for you people?!" Harry lashed out.

He didn't care about the way McGonagall's face fell, or the way stupid Malfoy looked scared and worried. I mean why should the damn ferret give a rat's ass, he would be happy if Harry was gone.

"Potter, I am going to take you to Madam Pomfrey… She is going to give you a calming draught, and something to help you sleep. We will get this all sorted in the morning." McGonagall said.

The next thing he knew, Harry was being led to the Infirmary, being forced to drink a few potions and everything was dark.

**A:N: Reviews are loved and greatly appreciated.**


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